We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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