well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
