omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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