Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
