I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
