My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize