South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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