I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
