Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
