And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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