You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
