I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
