I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
