I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion