we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
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Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then