I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
