I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.