the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too