beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy