chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
