We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
