So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
