They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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