You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
