she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
