By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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