who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
