Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
