I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
