Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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