Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she woke up with a sticky ear
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
