3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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