Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
