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she was so not down for the gang bang
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i came on her dog
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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