Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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