I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
