Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
