so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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