i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
