No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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