she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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