OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
