just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
