I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
