Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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