I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
