one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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