My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
