i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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