just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
