Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
