Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You made out with two different species that night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
