dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
