The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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