i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
