someone get that fucking seahorse.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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