so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
