i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
