im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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