having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
