Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
