He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
