Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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