hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
