Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
