My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
