Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
