Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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