she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
