I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
