she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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