look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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