dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
