i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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