shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
